I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
