Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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