WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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