ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
