He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
