I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
