I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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