I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
