I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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