I don't remember. Are we still dating?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
