I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
