I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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