Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You don't make any sense
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