haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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