How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
