how can u be prego again
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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