One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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