I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
