Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
