i just google imaged poop.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
