I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Can I color on your dick again?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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