apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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