I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
