just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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