I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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