so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am mentally ready for anal.
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