I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm bleeding and have questions
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize