This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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