Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
