I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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