I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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