my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
