He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
