I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
