there's paper in my vomit.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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