I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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