Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
