Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize