guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
