Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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