CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
