I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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