I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
