Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
