How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
