so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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