How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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