never play flip cup with pint glasses
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
