It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
