Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
