He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
