my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
