meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize