so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
