If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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