Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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