Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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