so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
