Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
