I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
