Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
