You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Floor bacon is actually really good
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
