Im at strip club and am horny
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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