Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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