Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
