I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
