Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
