Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
